I am going to relisten to the section on Nothingness (I have the audiobook) just to get a revamp and get re-inspired.
I lay down in my bed for this one and put my phone on alarm 'doorbell' for 16 minutes (just so I had a minute to bunker down).
I was lying in my bed- determined to be determinedly not determined at all- I fidgeted and moved around for the first 2 minutes-
"I want to cross my arms"
"ok"
"I want to sigh breath"
"if you must- i mean.... ok"
I had some annoying thoughts. I realize that what I started to do is - I have a lot of picture thoughts. Like i think of things but they don't fit perfectly into "ticker" format- so in an attempt to not get lost in thoughts I re ticker them after the fact and observe them. And during the moment I can't tell whether I am being oh so zen by observing it- or being ridiculous.
But I tried to breathe into the "space" around and in between my thoughts. And I thought to myself (issue already) probably about 10 minutes in, that all the same thoughts are going on- but they are in the middle of my head and I am currently living in the space around it.
My thoughts were in like a big statue in the middle of my head and I was floating outside watching them.
I kept on singing the words to the song "The Light in the Piazza" because it seemed relevent. Then I would have the ticker: "association!" "oh well" "(more lyrics)" "NO!" "YESSS" ..... "ugh" "Oh well".
Finally I was staring at this huge brown cement statue that was my thoughts, and the thought became: "I bet the time is almost up" space space "I bet the time is almost up" space space space "I bet the time is almost up"
DING DONG!
weird. but I committed! WAHOOOOOOOO
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