Nothingness Day 7

As the first week comes to a close I would hope that I was a little bit better at doing nothing.

I realized that thoughts are not as concrete as a word ticker. They often arise in vague associations or pictures or words that I "hear" and do not see. So when I put them into words, it is a double step, which seems laborious. But I guess, it is worth it if only to see our thoughts. The goal of this step is to become the "watcher", and instead of identifying with our thoughts, be able to see that they are separate from us, and therefore hold less power over us.

I thought today as my mind flitted about I thought of that saying "The mind is a terrible master, but a wonderful servant". I look forward to my mind being my little minion servant. Thinking up brilliant things for me while I relax by the water without a worry in the world. But, now, I am just trying to very clearly learn that my mind is not my master.

I don't remember quite what my thoughts were today except that there were a lot of them- and many included me wanting to eat and thinking of food. I also had thoughts of a random pair of Asian sisters who were associated with and manipulating a lot of my concrete thoughts. It was... strange... I don't know what that was all about. But I did also get a jolt of anxiety over me wanting to start an internet business and not having any idea what to do and another JOLT over knowing that I have hours and hours of work on a paper to do and have zero motivation to begin. But I felt that and decided to just focus on the feelings and respond with (Who Cares) (Oh Well).

In her other book, she suggests those 15 minutes to be a relaxation time when you do "nothing" but instead of complete nothing, she recommends a list of potential mantras to settle yourself down: "I work very hard and I deserve to relax" was the one I remember latching onto.

I also tried to technique that other people talk about today where you just feel your body and go into the sensation of being alive. Feel what there is to feel without judgement. It definitely takes you into the moment, and I think it will be one of my methods from now on. I think also, that that is what the SNEEZING did to me the other days. It would make me shoot into my body (in a good way) and just silently be there for a while until fervent thoughts would bounce around again.

I think the long and short is that it doesn't matter what happens in your designated nothingness time as much as it matters that you commit to doing it. Whether you are completely zen and able to think about nothing, worry about all the things you have to do and only manage to "look at"5% of your thoughts, or you have Asian sisters accompanying your thoughts (still confused) all that matters is that you commit. Get comfortable with at least TRYING to do nothing.

She says if you cannot do it for more than 3 minutes after a week, to start asking yourself "Why am I uncomfortable doing nothing" and see what pops up. I will reserve that for the days when nothing seems to work. Other than that, tomorrow I am onto adding "Truths" onto my nothingness.

Tomorrow I will do my 15 minutes and then answer questions... that I have to write down from the audio book. I tried to buy the hard copy in Barnes and Noble yesterday but they don't have it in stock! ARGH!

But they are getting us in touch with what is true in our life or any given situation or feeling. "What am I feeling?", etc.

Anyway...

bye.