But, that is slightly beside the point. Today was day Number 5 of the Joy Diet. I am still in 'Phase Nothingness'- and so I set out to do nothing in my (fake***) bed after only about 40 minutes after waking.
Back to my Nothingness. I had been wondering if my miraculously slow thoughts were due to my EXTENSIVE exhaustion these past 4 days. I had not been sleeping as sound-ly or long-ly as I normally require and desire (what a weird sentence) (I DID just have 2.5 glasses of prosecco with my friends uptown) (though, in a 2.5 hour period of time, mind you) (My former English teachers would bow their heads in sadness and shame) ("You can't USE PARENTHESES THIS WAY") (suck it.)
Anyway, the point is- maybe my great and quick success in meditating was due to exhaustion.' Of COURSE i relaxed... My body wanted to fall asleep!'
Well last night I got 9 hours of sleep- and today actually was a bit harder- but I still tried.
Weird Tidbit: Yesterday morning I set my alarm for 10:37 a.m. because I lay down at 10:21 and needed an extra minute just for safety's sake. And this morning, when I lay down.... I looked at my clock and it said... 10:21 am. my alarm was set for 10:37 and would go off then.... SO STRANGE. I didn't force that at all. The first two days my accidental Nothingness time was 17 minutes. The second two days I lay down on my (fake) bed at exactly 10:21.
WTF!?
But in any event- strange as the time parallels have been- I lay down watching my thought: "Weird Weird Weird" till it faded. I didn't really do as precise of a job watching my thoughts today- I don't know why. I wasn't really seeing them on ticker tape as I was imagining them in the center, and me in the space around them- which is a bit too abstract and I think why it failed to stay consistent. When I tried to imagine my thoughts as a rapid waterfall as she suggests, they were existing outside of the waterfall and the waterfall was clear. Pointless.
I was battling my own thoughts- trying to experience the "space" around them half unsuccessfully when I Sneexed violently three times. My body and mind were still.
The sneezing shocked me into real, serious nothingness. I then felt very strongly the space IN my body. Sneezing, the secret to zen.
Then later- I actually spent time at Central park and committed 15 more minutes, because I felt unhappy with my 15 minutes in bed before (besides the sneezing). I got a little bench by the water and sat there staring at the lake. I don't remember specifics- except the literal wind-blow, sparkling ripples in the water by this gnarly-rooted tree was very peaceful. And then that smiley indian girl sitting on the ground behind my bench playing loud Indian music on her BOOM BOX. I listened to my ipod on the Album Julie and Julia (very nice) (and lake-y)- but whenever the music would get quiet on my iPod, I would hear the silent sitar in the background. Now really I am not upset about this- if I can't laugh at the Indian woman, her boom box, and my fervent desire to the space around my very own news-ticker-mind, then what CAN I laugh at!?!? So, even still, I tried to breathe into the 'space'. Not perfect, yet. But life isn't about being perfect. (Yet...)
Its about sitting at your desk, post-prosecco, and bingeing on peppered Turkey Jerky.
ho ho. ha ha ha. (a real kind of yoga)
juuuuuust kidding
life isn't about jerky!
***(My fake bed, is a mattress set on top of two VERY WOBBLY ikea shelving units that together are the EXACT size of a mattress. There are two that go lengthwise- so as I lie in bed there is essentially a crack running along my spine underneath the mattress. My "handy" mother and I bought them because we wanted to also get this bookcase to fit next to my "bed", in my mini room, in my old apartment. If I bought a real bed-frame, it would have been one inch too long- and therefore block my pigmy closet too much. So- I have no real bed.
When I had friends over watching "Twilight" in my bed a few months ago, we heard a large CRACK below us, and it was one of the two shelving units BREAKING. To make matters more treacherous, in January I got a nice, thick wool rug... but it doesn't reach ALL the way under BOTH of my vertical shelving units, only one of them, so one of the shelving units (the one that is not broken) that is on the rug is sitting a good 3/4 inch above the broken one that is also lower by another 1/2 inch because... its BROKEN. So... my mattress is sitting on two shelves that are completely different heights. No wonder I have trouble falling to sleep. Also, I'm lucky that I don't have a boyfriend. And my non-existent boyfriend is lucky I don't have a boyfriend because my bed would not be our friend.
Yea, you read it mom. But, I still want a real bed. Not for my non-existent boyfriend, though. For ME.)
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